bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
