in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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