I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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