I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
