When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
