i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
