I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
