he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
