There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
