Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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