Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
