i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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