Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
is it fun? or sober?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
