yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
