Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
