you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
