All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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