this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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