Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
