Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
