he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
