God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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