Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
its not stalking. its research.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
