you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
