Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she woke up with a sticky ear
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
