billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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