She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
