No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
