i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
