My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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