pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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