Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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