Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
