med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
