saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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