Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
