The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
