Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
