I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
