They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
