I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
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I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
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Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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