Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The best revenge is premature balding
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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