last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
