You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
why do cheetos always look like penises
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
