Say something about gay babies.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
