I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize
