Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
