Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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