babies were throwing up all over the place
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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