Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
