Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
