I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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