omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
