tonight lets celebrate not being married
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
