The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
