Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
