I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sober January is a disaster.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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