She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
