thus making me awesome and them whores
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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