pedialite and red bull = repair kit
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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