FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
