I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
