Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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