This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
