Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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