You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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