Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
