You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
