Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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