just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
