remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
