I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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