Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
COCAINE IS GR8
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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