i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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