my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
