smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I need moral support for this bender
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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