are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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