Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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