OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize