so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
