My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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