pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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