She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
